


When All The Stars Are Falling

by Sylverstia



Series: Chronological Order [47]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Existential Angst, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, self hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-10-10 16:49:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20531306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylverstia/pseuds/Sylverstia
Summary: Having failed his mission and being unable to execute his original purpose, Sixty is plagued by thoughts he didn't know he could have.He had failed in every way he could have failed in.He couldn’t even deviate right.





	When All The Stars Are Falling

**Author's Note:**

> I want to thank Kian for beta-ing again! Thank you!
> 
> !!! WARNING !!!  
This fic contains heavy angst, very heavy self loathing, existential crisis and a lot of dark and unhealthy thoughts.  
Please read at your own risk. You have been warned.

He didn’t have a purpose, no job, no experience. Nothing. All he had was a broken database and the memories of someone he wasn’t. Someone he would never be. He hated it. He hated himself for it. Why was he brought into a life that was always meant to be in the shadow of the person he was supposed to be?

A life he could have had if only things had turned out differently. If only he hadn’t failed that one task.

If only…

The tears came without him realizing. They splattered onto the wooden floor before he could do something about it. He was never meant to be here. He wasn’t supposed to exist.

Why hadn’t he just died? Hank had tried to kill him. And he couldn’t even do that right.

It was late at night, Silvy was already sleeping. He was alone with his thoughts, alone with the terror he had unleashed on himself. Why did things turn out like this?

Sure, if he hadn’t failed, he would have never met her, but was that important? She deserved someone better. Someone who wasn’t scared to go to the grocery store, someone who wasn’t shy and reserved, someone who was better than him.

Someone more like Connor.

He wasn’t like him. Not anymore. They had never really been alike. That made the whole thing even more painful.

He couldn’t even deviate right.

Connor had his perfect life together. A good job, a paying job, coworkers that respected him.

And there was Sixty. Who just had nothing?

Without Silvy, he would be on the streets, probably being targeted by anti-android groups and would have probably been damaged beyond repair already.

He couldn’t do anything for her, no matter how much he wanted to. There just wasn’t anything he was good at. He liked to photograph, but that wasn’t a skill he could use anywhere. He enjoyed reading, he liked listening to music, but none of this was anything he could use to sustain himself, his maintenance, or her wishes.

He was useless. An utter failure.

Without herm he would have been lost. He would be dead.

It would have been better if he had run away from her, if she had never brought him here. She wouldn’t have been forced to go into her savings just to provide the basic maintenance for him. Just to get the bare minimum he needed to keep functioning.

He didn’t want to rely on her. But what person would take an inexperienced android without a purpose? Humans were mean. Humans spat into his face and yelled at him. And he had to endure it. Because if an android started a fight, it would make headlines. And it would undo a lot of the progress the revolution had done.

He was just a failure. He couldn’t even speak up when he was faced with haters. His voice box shut off and his joints locked and then all he could do was walk away. Sometimes he managed to run. One time he got punched and then silly had to repair his face again.

And he had heard her muttered complaint about the money he wasted. Had she meant it like that? Was she mad at him for it?

She was better off without him. But where would he even go? What was he supposed to do? He wouldn’t survive out there in the cold while being afraid of anything and everything. Why didn’t he have the courage Connor did? Why was he so much of a coward?

The way recent events had turned out, he couldn’t even die properly. Yet again. He would have died if Cory hadn’t saved him. Somehow that made him angry. If only Cory had left him like that.

But then Silvy would have been devastated. The woman was fond of him

But he didn’t know if he was fond of her in the same way. He enjoyed her presence, but he felt like a burden to her. Everything he did was to please her, and yet he couldn’t shake the feeling that she would kick him out.

She trusted him, she had never said a bad word, never did anything to make him feel this way, and still, he was sure that whenever he made a mistake that it would drive her closer and closer to kicking him out.

Still. The thought of leaving her hurt. It was terrifying. To leave any of this behind. He had nothing without her. He was relying on her.

Depending on her.

Why had things turned out like this? Why couldn’t things just have turned out the way they were meant to be? Why hadn’t he taken Connors place the way it was supposed to be?

His shaking hands grasped for the woolen blanket next to him. It was always on the couch, always close. Silvy never removed it. Sometimes she folded it, but it would always be there. Was it alright to wake her up?

The thought he had were terrifying. They were devastating, so unusual, so horrifying. Where had they come from?

He didn’t want to leave her. And yet he felt like he had no choice. Her life would be better without him.

And yet…

He jumped when the bedroom door opened. Silvy’s socked feet stepped into the living room and her eyebrows rose up when she noticed his tear stained face.

Whatever had made her get up forgotten, she hurried over to him. “What’s wrong?”

Why was she always worrying about him? She had so many issues of her own. There was this stalker, there was the money issues. Her mental issues that she had never disclosed with him, but he could tell. He did have the same base programming as Connor. It was in the database.

Why was she worried about him?

He opened his mouth to talk to her, but instead a sob escaped him and he clamped his hands over his mouth, held his breath. He hadn’t meant for that to happen. That wasn’t supposed to happen.

“Shh.” She whispered and sat down next to him.

Her arms around him made him sink into the embrace. She was warm, comforting. Her presence was so calming. He didn’t deserve to be here. Not like that. Not without having a purpose.

Every android was doing something. Why couldn’t he find anything to do? Anything to help her sustain herself.

He clung to her, not wanting to let go. Not daring to. If he let her go now, maybe she would just run away, or kick him out. He didn’t officially live here. He didn’t even exist. Officially.

“Wanna talk about it?” She asked quietly.

He couldn’t tell her all these horrible thoughts. What would she think of him?

He shook his head, sank deeper into her embrace. “It’s okay.” Her voice was soothing, calming his raging nerves.

And the high stress levels. He hadn’t even noticed them ticking up that much. But she had. Had she seen his LED?

“Why…” he whispered, voice filled with static. “Why are you… so kind?”

She reeled back a bit. Not enough to loosen the embrace, but the question startled her. “What do you mean?”

“…I don’t deserve this… I’m just wasting your money and take up space-“

She flinched, pulled him even tighter to her chest. “Don’t say that!” her whispered voice sounded terrified. “Keeping you running is expensive, but I can do it.” She hissed. “Don’t think like that, Six!”

He buried his face on her shoulder, wanted to contact, needed it. Her warmth was like a lifeline. Like something real he could grasp in this confusion of his thoughts. Of not knowing if they were out of proportion or justified.

He would never be able to change anything about this situation. He’d be here in twenty years’ time when she was well over fifty and old and moved on, and just kept him around because she was used to him. And she would have used up all her savings and things would run down and-

“Six.” She shook him, jolted him out of his thoughts. “We’ll work this out.”

“How?” his voice broke when he looked up at her and saw her glistening eyes. She was fighting tears.

“Because I want to make this work. I want you around, I want you to take up space.”

He was confused, surprised even when she untangled her arms from him and pulled him to his feet. She dragged him to the kitchen where she drank a sip of water and then pulled him into the bedroom.

When she gestured for him to lie down in her bed, he froze.

“Wha-“

“I don’t like the thought of you having an existential crisis while I’m asleep. Go lie down, I’ll just go pee real quick.”

He blinked at her when she rushed from the door.

He had never invaded her privacy like that. He had never really been in here either. Sometimes when he crossed the room to get to her small office, but he never lingered in her bedroom.

When she returned, she had the navy blanket from the couch with her. “Here, come on lie down.”

It took a few more moments before he reacted. The mattress was soft, she sheets and blanket still held her warmth. It was so much different than the couch. And softer, more comfortable.

“Better?” She asked when she crawled into the sheets.

“…Is this really okay?” he asked, back facing towards her, lying as close to the edge as he could without falling off.

“Of course, it is.” She placed a hand on his shoulder under the blanket as she pulled it over both of them. “come on, there’s enough space for both of us.”

Hesitantly he shifted closed to her, but never turned around.

Her fingers drew circles on his back when he allowed himself to relax a bit. He wasn’t even sure why he felt like he was invading her personal space. She had invited him here. She allowed this. Why wouldn’t she be fine with it?

“I’m sorry I made you think all those horrible thoughts.” She apologized. “Don’t ever think you’re burdening me with anything, Six.”

He turned to her then, stared at her pale eyes as tears filled his again. “I’m useless. Nothing works right, I can’t work in the job I was meant to work in… I have no experience; I can’t do anything-“

“Stop.” She said. Tone sharp but gentle. It broke his train of thought. “You’ll figure it out, Six. I’m not gonna leave you hanging just because you’re not sure what your purpose in life is.”

“What if I don’t find it?”

She laughed silently, spread her arms to draw him back into a hug. He readily crawled back into the embrace, hid head resting under her chin, eyes closed.

“I’m thirty-three. I haven’t found mine yet either. “ She shrugged. “But just being here, just being alive. That’s okay too.”

“That doesn’t make it better…” he admitted.

She shook her head. “No. But I’d never leave you hanging over something like this. Now if you end up being an ice addict and an alcoholic, I’d think differently, but you’re an android. I don’t think that’s something I have to worry about.”

The smile was audible in his voice when he replied, “Of course not… but I might become addicted to pudding.”

A chuckle escaped her. “Sugar will be our downfall.”

“I thought that was climate change.”

“But sugar too.” She insisted, leaned down and kissed his cheek.

Decidedly, optical cleaning fluid tasted nothing like human tears and were quite disgusting. “Bah, that tastes like antifreeze.”

“The substance is harmless to humans-“

“I know that.” She grumbled. “But I never actually had it in my mouth.”

Hesitantly he lifted his arms around her and pulled himself against her as far as they could physically go.

“You’re cold.” She whispered, hand a thumb over his cheek as she turned into her back and had him rest his head on her chest.

“You’re warm.” He replied.

“Duh.”

“There’s most likely something wrong with my temperature regulator…”

She sighed. “Kind of a given. I’ll ask Cindy about it later. But now we sleep. Okay?”

He nodded and waited a few moments before he asked, “Silvy…?”

“Hm?”

“…Thank you.”

She cuddled him close, rocked him for a moment. “Always, Six…. I love you. I really, really love you.”

“I love you too.” He whispered back. “…but I’m scared too.”

“I’m scared as well… we’ll see where it goes, right?”

He nodded against her. “If you ever get tired of me… tell me right away… I don’t think I could live with the thought that you would not want me around and did that for my sake.”

She poked his shoulder and sighed heavily. “We’ll cross that bridge if we ever get there. Think of something happy.”

“A puppy.”

“You want a puppy?”

“No!” he sat up, almost knocked his head into hers. “That’s way too expensive and too much to buy and-“

“Shh, Shhh.” She insisted. “You start to sound like me.”

“…if the maintenance can’t be paid for… Things would end up being….”

“I know, Six. I’m not gonna risk your life for a puppy.”

“I’d like one.” He muttered as he settled back down.

“The local shelter is always looking for people to walk their dogs. Let’s go there tomorrow.”

He nodded eagerly. “I’d like that.”

“I’ll wake you at seven.”

“Okay.” He whispered as he closed his eyes and initiated stasis, hoping he wouldn’t be woken up by anything other than Silvy and the thoughts of seeing dogs in the morning.

**Author's Note:**

> I projected hard with this fic... I'm facing a lot of these thoughts on a daily base, and dealing with them is very difficult.  
I kind of wish i had a Silvy too. haha.
> 
> If you wanna support me, check out my twitter @hyper_key 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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